Pregnancy, dead-beat daddies, and post pardum depression
Here's my story: 6 years ago I became pregnant with my very firest child. I'll admit I was shocked and scared when I found out. But that quickly when away. But when I told the father of the child I was carrying, I was just plain shocked at his response. He wasn't happy. Honestly all he said was, and I'm quoting here, 'well, shit'. That's not exactly what is supposed to be said.
But after that there was things to be done. Ob/gyn appointments to be made. And I did it. I made every appointment. I went through the emotions. I cried alot. I did the emotional crying phone calls and left the voice-mails. But never ever got any answers. He was never there. He didn't go to one appointment. Actually my step dad is who took me to my very first appointment. After that it was my mother who took me. It was like that through the the entire pregnancy. He was never there for me. (No we weren't dating or anything).
Finally I realized that he wasn't going to be there for me. I moved on, and apparently so did he. Which was perfectly ok.
I was ecstatic when I was able to find out the gender of the baby. I was gonna have a little girl. And yes I did tell the father. But it didn't matter. He was still not interested.
In August I moved in with my boyfriend. We had been dating since July. And before you get all 'why did you move in only after a month of dating?' I have known him over 10 years. I add dated him before and I trusted him. He made me happy. (Today we are married and have little one of our own).
And that's when my ex decided that it was time to track me down and talk. So he comes to the house I'm now living in and we talk. But he still doesn't seem to care at all. It's like he was checking to make sure I was still pregnant and not making things up. Even though it was clear from day one when I told him. And showed him the ultrasound when I was able to.
After that visit he never came back. And things were going really good. Until my grandpa got really really sick. And being as I was, well, really pregnant, my step dad and my mom told my bf not to tell me anything yet. But later they told him to bring me up to the hospital. That's when I found out that my grandpa wasn't going to make it. And of i was devastated. My grandpa was like a dad to me. That was august 23rd 2011. My grandpa passed away before he met his great grandaughter.
And less than a month later my daughter was born via csection. She was butt-first. She was a healthy 6 pound baby girl. And I was a happy mommy.
But after we got home from the hospital things changed. At first when my daughter was only 3 weeks old I got really sick (sick enough that I wasn't able to be around her). And after that is when my parents started taking her to help me out.
That's when I realized that I had an issue. I didn't know how to handle my own baby. I didn't know what it was called at that time. I'don't cry everytime. I'd start to panic. I didn't think I could do it. So I had to have my parents take her. I just didn't know how to do it.
Later I realized that it was post pardum depression. I was never actually diagnosed with it. But I'd heard about it from reading and stuff to know that's what I had. I didn't have the kind where I wanted to hurt her. I just didn't know how to handle her with out panicking everytime.
And now I don't have a mother/daughter relationship with her. She calls my mom mom. I'm just emmys mommy to her. And it hurts. It hurts knowing that she doesn't know me as mom.
It's been 6 years, and my own kid doesn't know me. And this is the first time I've ever wrote about it.
Please don't judge me for my actions. I only did what I thought was right.
And as for the father of my oldest daughter he doesn't know her really at all. He's only seen her a handful of times. And he never claimed her into he beginning. Didn't actually claim her until she was 3 days old and he saw her for the very first time. He's never really been apart her life. And that is not to my doing.
And that is my story. Thanks.
But after that there was things to be done. Ob/gyn appointments to be made. And I did it. I made every appointment. I went through the emotions. I cried alot. I did the emotional crying phone calls and left the voice-mails. But never ever got any answers. He was never there. He didn't go to one appointment. Actually my step dad is who took me to my very first appointment. After that it was my mother who took me. It was like that through the the entire pregnancy. He was never there for me. (No we weren't dating or anything).
Finally I realized that he wasn't going to be there for me. I moved on, and apparently so did he. Which was perfectly ok.
I was ecstatic when I was able to find out the gender of the baby. I was gonna have a little girl. And yes I did tell the father. But it didn't matter. He was still not interested.
In August I moved in with my boyfriend. We had been dating since July. And before you get all 'why did you move in only after a month of dating?' I have known him over 10 years. I add dated him before and I trusted him. He made me happy. (Today we are married and have little one of our own).
And that's when my ex decided that it was time to track me down and talk. So he comes to the house I'm now living in and we talk. But he still doesn't seem to care at all. It's like he was checking to make sure I was still pregnant and not making things up. Even though it was clear from day one when I told him. And showed him the ultrasound when I was able to.
After that visit he never came back. And things were going really good. Until my grandpa got really really sick. And being as I was, well, really pregnant, my step dad and my mom told my bf not to tell me anything yet. But later they told him to bring me up to the hospital. That's when I found out that my grandpa wasn't going to make it. And of i was devastated. My grandpa was like a dad to me. That was august 23rd 2011. My grandpa passed away before he met his great grandaughter.
And less than a month later my daughter was born via csection. She was butt-first. She was a healthy 6 pound baby girl. And I was a happy mommy.
But after we got home from the hospital things changed. At first when my daughter was only 3 weeks old I got really sick (sick enough that I wasn't able to be around her). And after that is when my parents started taking her to help me out.
That's when I realized that I had an issue. I didn't know how to handle my own baby. I didn't know what it was called at that time. I'don't cry everytime. I'd start to panic. I didn't think I could do it. So I had to have my parents take her. I just didn't know how to do it.
Later I realized that it was post pardum depression. I was never actually diagnosed with it. But I'd heard about it from reading and stuff to know that's what I had. I didn't have the kind where I wanted to hurt her. I just didn't know how to handle her with out panicking everytime.
And now I don't have a mother/daughter relationship with her. She calls my mom mom. I'm just emmys mommy to her. And it hurts. It hurts knowing that she doesn't know me as mom.
It's been 6 years, and my own kid doesn't know me. And this is the first time I've ever wrote about it.
Please don't judge me for my actions. I only did what I thought was right.
And as for the father of my oldest daughter he doesn't know her really at all. He's only seen her a handful of times. And he never claimed her into he beginning. Didn't actually claim her until she was 3 days old and he saw her for the very first time. He's never really been apart her life. And that is not to my doing.
And that is my story. Thanks.
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